Have you ever thought that it was time to throw in the towel? Time to just quit doing what you love? Well I have. Many, many times! I tend to sometimes be a perfectionist when it comes to doing things with my horse or on the pattern. I worry about positioning my horse just right, if they took an extra step around the barrel that they didn't need, if I blew out of a turn, if they went by too much, if they were too setty in their run, if they wouldn't move over like I wanted... And the list goes on and on. Here's just a little history on me. My mom and dad were divorced when I was two. She remarried when I was around 7. From the time I can remember horses were all I wanted. They were all I talked about, dreamed of and lived to do. When I was around 11 my grandfather bought me two calves to raise. I named them and tried to get them as tame as possible because they were just so cute in my eyes. He told me when he bought them that we had to raise them and once we sold them we could take that money and buy a horse. After some time they were ready to go, but my grandfather wanted to surprise me and took them himself and ended up buying me a little sorrel horse we called OJ. I was in love. Finally my own horse! No more having to go to my aunt & uncles house to ride, no more dreaming... He was all mine. I couldn't wait to ride him. So we saddled him up and I hopped on. The first few minutes were great! I thought he was the best thing I could ever hope for and next thing I knew he had thrown me into a tree and was back in the barn. That shook me up horribly. My mom grew up riding and knew she could help so we wanted to bring him home. At our place we had an older barn and plenty of room for a big pasture. Well my step dad agreed ONLY IF I would dig all the post holes for the fence post and clean up the barn and help with repairs on things that needed to be done to ensure a safe place for him to be up. Of course I agreed right away. I can remember digging those post holes. I was a young girl on a mission to get my horse home. It didn't matter how hot it was or how many blisters I had on my hands, I dug and dug and dug. I think there ended up being probably around 150 holes. Yes, at times I didn't think there was an end in sight! Fast forward to us getting all the holes dug and the barn repaired, it was time to bring OJ home! I had exactly what I wanted. My own horse at my own house and could ride every single day. But boy did it have its challenges. OJ was not the best horse for someone who needed that "first horse". He was super stubborn and at times dangerous. But we went through the hard times with him and finally got him to where he was "safer" for me. It got to the point where I was actually riding him about 2 miles down the side of a bypass to an arena who was owned by people who would become huge influences on my life. I just didn't know it at the time. Some big life changes came as my mom and step dad divorced when I was around 12. We moved and had to put OJ at a friends house. That was hard, in so many ways. Of course all the hardships that come in those situations but the fact of being away from my horse again. He was around 35 minutes away and I went to see him as much as I could. One weekend we decided we would do some trail riding with friends that owned the barn we were at. That ride changed a lot. OJ ended up mounting a mare, with her rider still on. A time that I thought I should just GIVE UP... My dream horse turned out not to be safe. That led us to learn that he was proud cut. That explained a lot. So we ended up selling OJ at a sale barn for a whopping $400 and bought a huge Appaloosa we called Tuff. He was a monster, the biggest Appy I had ever seen. But he was a gentle giant. I was surprised to find out that he would even lope barrel pattern. I was once again in love with a horse. We could do anything we wanted on him and anyone could ride him. Then as I started being able to play on the barrels more I knew that is what I had wanted to do. I had sat for years watching my uncle and cousin barrel race and so that is what I just had to do. After talking with my uncle about it he let us take their mare called Geni Dude. Geni had run in junior rodeoes before and not only did she run barrels, she also ran poles. Win Win situation right?! Once we got Geni with us there were some obstacles to overcome. The biggest one was her gate issues. She had been known for walking down the alley on her hind legs. It was scary and aggravating and a lot of times I wanted to GIVE UP, but after a lot of work those issues went away and we started going to some small local saddle club shows. Let's back up a little bit to where I said that I would ride to an arena about 2 miles from my step dads... That arena ended up being the one at Cliff & Julie Goodrich's farm. I would go over and ride in their arena and often help Julie with cleaning stalls or whatever she needed done in the barn. I was star struck by them. These were rodeo people who I got to interact and ride with, how cool was that?! What got even cooler was when we moved there to help with things around their place! They were in the process of getting ready to build the house they now live in when the discussion came up about mom & I living in the coach house that is right beside the barn. I was so excited and ready for the move but we had to wait until their house was built and they were moved in it. I still remember helping to raise the first exterior wall on their house! I would once again be able to be with my horses, but not only that I would be getting to do so much more too. I was going into my freshman year of high school when we moved in. Being that I was there now and getting to experience so many new things I knew I wanted to do High School Rodeo. So we joined the association and started doing those rodeos, along with still going to barrel races around us. I competed in Barrel Racing, Pole Bending and tried my hands at goat tying. Goat tying never went well for me but it was fun :) I competed on Geni all of my freshmen year and then knew I was ready to step up to a faster horse. So after contacting some people we knew I ended up trying an appendix mare named Teasing Tee. The people were gracious enough to let us take her back to the barn for a week to try and for Cliff & Julie to be able to see. They told us before we took her home that she didn't have to be ridden during the week, just to run her at the shows because she would be just fine. Well that didn't sound like the plan I envisioned but I knew I really liked her so we went ahead and took her on home. Once we got her home I understood completly why you didn't ride her at home. She was kind of nuts. She would run sideways, backwards and do anything but go forward for very long. It was a little touch and go on the decision to get her until we took her to a barrel race the next Friday night and she ended up winning the Open Barrels by almost half a second. Now this wasn't a show with no competition, there were horses there that were always winning at the money shows we were going to so we were sold on her. We just decided we would overlook all the issues she had. So we paid for her that night and went to a barrel race at Bradford Saddle Club the next night and there were people that were coming up to me that had never really talked to me before. One girl told me "now don't outrun us tonight as bad as you did last night". That blew my mind. After all this time of being at these shows "winners" we're actually talking to me. But here's a good lesson I learned, don't let success go to your head. I hit a barrel in the youth and open class that night and came home with zero winnings. I ended up having Tee my sophomore and part of my junior year. Things were literally hit and miss with us. There never really was a time that I could go in the arena and know what that run was going to be like. When we were on, we were on but when we weren't, we were crashing. I had some weekends where I could win the Youth and Open and place at rodeos & jackpots, then there were weekends that looked like we had no clue what we were doing. After a lot of runs I thought I just wanted to GIVE UP. I did make a lot of new "friends" during that time and although there was a lot of crummy weekends we still had lots of fun and just kept hoping for the next run to be what we needed. Cliff & Julie had purchased some two year olds out of Georgia and we always helped ride the colts and other horses there and we ended up falling in love with a mare they called Fancy. She was a Fire Water Flit & Nonstop Jet cross. We loved everything about her and knew someway, somehow she had to be ours. When she was a weanling she had ran through a fence and cut her back legs up really bad so she had some pretty bad scarring and although it may never have affected her it was still a concern. With that being something that may stop her from being the potential horse that Cliff and Julie and wanted they agreed to sell us the mare. They wanted $3500 for her and at that time we had never bought one priced that high. Close, but not that much. Mom was a single parent and worked hard to give me everything she possibly could. So we had to sell Tee to be able to buy Fancy. We got Fancy paid for and one week later she was in the fight for her life. I was in school when I got a phone call that she was trying to colic. I got home and Cliff gave her some banamine and she seemed to get somewhat better. However by that night she was back bad again. We had her out front walking her to keep her moving but quite a few times she would just drop to the ground. She was in a ton of pain and we knew it was time to get her somewhere. We called Dr Butler and he said to come on right away. Since Cliff & Julie's rig was already hooked up we loaded her in there and took off to Huntingdon. We got to the clinic and they started working on her immediately. They oiled her and started her on IVs to make sure she stayed hydrated. We ended up leaving her there overnight so they could watch her. Dr Butler said she didn't look good, but he would update us in the morning. We were scared, heartbroken and lost on what to do. Fancy ended up getting worse and worse. She wouldn't eat, drink or use the bathroom at all. We would go see her and she looked very bad. She had drawn up all over and looked like she was ready to just GIVE UP herself. We went and saw her through out the time that she was there. We were 5 days in and Dr Butler called mom and told her things weren't looking good and he wasn't sure Fancy would pull through the night. We were beyond devastated to think that we could lose her. We had just bought her a week ago and now we could end up losing her. Mom wanted to take a saddle pad we used on the gelding we owned and leave it with Fancy. She wanted her to be able to smell him and maybe feel like she wasn't alone that last night. We stayed as long as we could but had to get home to get in bed because she had work and I had school the next day, although we didn't want to leave. We said some very hard goodbyes because we didn't know if we would ever see her alive again. The next morning Dr Butler called mom and said there had been a huge change. Fancy had passed a large amount and had drank and was trying to munch on some hay. We were estatic! We couldn't believe that she had pulled through the night, but Dr Bultler told us it would still be touch and go for another day or two. Fancy continued to improve and on day 7 we brought her home. Fancy ended up being a great mare. I hauled her and competed on her my senior year of High School Rodeo, her 4 & 5 yr old year. We would help push calves and steers with her and some of the judges would flag off of her during the rodeos. Now to jump ahead some more years. I was married and had my son by the time I was 21. I took a break from riding of course while I was pregnant with him and then right back to it 2 weeks after I had him. I went through quite a few horses during those years. Some that were decent and others that weren't, but they all taught me something. Most every horse I had competed on we had to "make". We weren't able to go out and spend the big money to buy a nice winning horse so we just had to "weed" through them trying to find the right one. I did end up getting out of horses for a while. I sold everything. Horses, saddles, trailer, bits, etc. I had gotten to a point that I thought I was done. I just didn't have the drive like I did before. It is hard to go from being able to go to a barrel race knowing you had a chance of winning or placing really well to not knowing how much money you would be throwing out at each show. And what was even worse was some of those "friends" I had mentioned a lot earlier in this, had seemed to turn into strangers. I often wondered why they wouldn't speak like they always did before? Why didn't we hang out anymore? What had changed? Then it dawned on me, I wasn't able to fit into their clique anymore. That really, really bothered me and sometimes even now it does but I've learned just to let those things go. Well I try to anyways! In 2008 I started back riding with my mom, helping her to start colts for people. The love that I knew for horses started coming back and I was hooked once again. I guess it never really left, I had just pushed it away for some time. Since 2008 I have only had a small handful of horses that have belonged to me or my family. Most everything we ride belongs to someone else. They are here either getting started on the pattern or we are trying to fix some issues. I haven't been able to compete as much just because I wasn't taking time to focus on my own horses. And for anyone who rides colts you know the some of the struggles we face. We can go in for an exhibition and they can work like a million bucks or they may act like they've never seen a barrel before in their life! It's an up and down process. We take huge leaps forward and then all of a sudden we start taking steps backwards. I have gotten so frustrated at times because they should know how to go in there and do what I am asking but sometimes they just won't do it. I worry about what people think because they always see me on a horse that may not be just "great" and may have a lot of issues. Are they judging me because of this? What will they think because everything wasn't perfect? Some days you may see me go through the pattern and look like "crap". Trust me I know it gets noticed because I notice it. Not only do I notice it, I hear about it. From over hearing people talking, to someone coming to me and saying what someone else has said. So so so MANY times I have hung my head and went back to the trailer upset because things didn't go like I wanted. I've wanted to throw my hands up, GIVE UP & quit! I've been hurt by words people have said about me or to me. I have worried so much about what "so and so thinks" that it has literally given me a really stinky attitude at times. There are times that I have lost belief in myself based on words or even looks from people. Words can be so cruel and demeaning. They can cut you to the core and if you start believing what they say you have entered into a dangerous area. We do a lot of clinics and help people with their riding or their horses. We try to show them what we see they can work on to better their riding or their horse in any way we can. We love to see other people doing good and getting better. Each time they go in and accomplish something it is an awesome feeling. Then I hear things that are being said about us and have wanted to walk away from clinics completely. I had gotten to a point where I didn't want to help people, I didn't want to be around people. I just wanted to stay in the background so I wouldn't have to hear that stuff. I was tired, tired of being made fun of or talked about. Then I saw a post yesterday by Chris Martin. An awesome hand with a horse and someone who is at the top in this industry. There was a Facebook group that had taken one of his pictures and were starting to bash him and his tack on his horse, his bit and headgear choice to be exact. Things started getting really ugly on that Facebook group page and I was just like wow... People are actually talking about him?! He's one of the best and they are talking about him like he is no one, like he is uneducated, like he knows nothing. When I went to bed last night I saw where a video he had made had been shared so I thought I would watch it since it was regarding the things that had happened earlier in the day. I will post the link if you want to watch it as well. It opened my eyes. First of all that I'm not the only one who has ever felt like I do, judged by people in this sport mainly. But also that it doesn't matter who you are people can still hurt you. These people I look at as being some of the best in the business still have bad days. They have days that they don't feel like riding that last horse or two. They don't feel like missing something because they have to be at the barn with the horses. They don't feel like loading up and going to each and every barrel race. They have bad days too! They have often felt like they just wanted to GIVE UP.... BUT they didn't. They pushed through and they've learned to ignore the comments that are made about them because they know what their purpose is, where there journey is at and where it is taking them. My point of this whole long post that seemed to go all over at times was to show you that if you've ever felt like giving up you're not alone. I've been there many, many, MANY times. We just have to make up our minds that we are going to keep going no matter what. We know what our goals are and what we want to do. Learn to ignore the comments, smile at the ones who give you that doubtful smirk and just keep going and NEVER GIVE UP!!! And if you have something to say to someone let it be words to help people instead of hurting them :) Here's the link to the video by Chris Martin: https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10205311136009567&id=1582824019 Video below is of Tee winning the Youth class. She also won the Open class that night. Next video is of Fancy. Not even sure where the first video is from but by the way he said the time it must've placed really well. Second video is at Trenton, TN
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